Why a Blog?
On February 16, 2016 my boyfriend of 7 years took his life. Obviously, an event such as this would have a devastating and profound effect on anybody's life! I am no different.
To Do List: 1. Clean Your Room, 2. Slay the Dragons of Chaos, 3. Rescue Your Father from the Belly of the Whale (Liz Barlak Photography)
My Quick Bio
I was born 58 years ago today in Memphis, TN. Youngest child of 4. Even though the powers that determine such things say I’m a Baby Boomer, I disagree! I identify as GenX and prefer to be treated as such! After WW2 my father rebelled against his family of professional musicians and became an Electrical/Chemical Engineer.
His company, Dupont, moved us to the frigid but lovely town of Lewiston, NY near Buffalo for 7 years (enough to have an OJ Simpson poster on my wall) and then to Westfield, NJ, a suburb South of NYC where I thrived, playing tenor saxophone in school and jazz groups, even leading the marching band as drum major - first one not wearing a skirt - it was cold out on that field!
My parents split when it wasn’t fashionable and it was necessary for me to start working register at a big drug store at 15. Not disciplined enough to pursue a career in music and a four-year college not being in the cards financially, I went to a two-year liberal arts secretarial school known for placing their graduates with high profile CEOs and Law Partners.
This was perfect for me - I wanted to work full time and get on with my life!
What to do about that creative side?
At 22 I was working in Manhattan on the 44th Floor at 30 Rockefeller Center. Since I’ve always been a happy person and manage to find humor in any situation, Standup Comedy was the obvious choice. I couldn't do 2AM open mic nights and keep my job, so I performed in happy hour showcases at a brand new uptown comedy club called Stand Up NY.
It was a very fun time and learned a lot..but, standup is hard work and my lack of discipline toward creative endeavors reared its ugly head. My father, who had been working in Saudi Arabia, was temporarily transferred to Pasadena, CA and invited me to give it a try. “New Jersey is constipated” were his exact words.
I transferred to my law firm’s satellite office and just like that – LA was my new home.
That was in 1989 and I’ve never left! As an alternative to stand up, I decided to try improv and loved it! And it was fate – I met my future husband and before I knew it, I was a stay at home mom of 4 boys in the San Fernando Valley. The truth was I had always wanted to be a mother and although I was far from perfect - about which I plan to write about, I wouldn’t change a minute of it. When my marriage ended in 2006, I was able to create a home-based career so I could support them. So, 31 years single, 11 years married, 26 years a mother in sunny California and then, met a wonderful man whose life ended in a tragedy.
(visit the podcast page of this website to hear more of my journey as a suicide loss survivor)
So Why Blog Now?
After John's death 5 years ago, I did a deep dive into myself. It started because I wanted to figure out if I could have done something differently to save him. It’s a normal reaction when you lose somebody to suicide because you're constantly thinking about the one sentence, the one comment or one different show of affection/suggestion that could have saved his life. As I continue to blog, I'll write more about this subject, but you’ll soon see that a coping mechanism throughout my life has been my fascination with many different topics, searching for meaning and connecting the dots. Along with my Faith, I truly believe that this part of me is what saved me from despair.
The thinkers of the world, the coincidences, the theories, the philosophies, the interpretations of how this life works. We are all connected and we have always been connected. We all struggle to find what we need to do to survive, to take care of ourselves and our families. We all have different ideas about so many things but yet, we all agree a rainbow is beautiful! Millions of us will think one popular song tells our story! We cry at movies even though we know it's all pretend! There's something deep in these forms of expression that resonate with us and bring us together!
So after John's death, my journey was to get to a place where I could enjoy life even though there is sadness, laugh again while finding the meaning. We need to take life seriously but not to the point of losing hope! I felt like I started the grief process before everybody else this past year and wanted to share some things I’ve learned. I'm hoping you will find this inspiring, hopeful and thought provoking. So, here I am, choosing a creative endeavor that requires discipline that I’m determined to master!
Below are some categories to give you an idea of what to expect from my new project - Thank you for joining me!.
Don’t Be Afraid of Black and White Movies
To say that movies and especially classic films have been part of my life is an understatement!! I’m excited to share with you some of my all time favorites with suggestions to enjoy with the whole family! The amount of long standing societal barriers that were overcome during this era was unprecedented! And contrary to popular belief there were so many strong female characters and engaging subjects!
Let’s not forget about the music, dancing, fashion and drama behind the scenes!! Many of the stars from that era came from humble beginnings as well as those who wrote and worked on the films. You’ll see this is a deep passion of mine and I look forward to your suggestions as well!
Did You Know History is Fun?
When and where did history get such a bad rap? I do not know. Ever wonder who was the first man to wear long pants? Why did U.S. Grant’s wife never face the camera (see photo)? Did you know that Angelica Schuyler was already married when she met Alexander Hamilton…to a man she eloped with…? Years ago I saw a commercial for Disney World where they asked a bored child “Did you go to a Civil War battlefield for summer vacation? Tell you parents you want to go to Disney World and have FUN!”
OK, I may be getting carried away here but I've been to almost every Civil War battlefield and it gave me a clear understanding of what our country went through during that time. How in the world are we supposed to make decisions for the future if we know nothing about our past! There have been some fascinating people who have brought us to this point and it's a subject that can never be exhausted. When you realize that the world has been around for a very long time, you don’t feel so overwhelmed about what’s going on today!
Finding Hope After Tragic Loss
How nice it would be to think we can live this life without any tragedy or sadness but as we all know, especially after this year, it’s just not reality. I spent most of my life not having to face grief but there was something in the back of my mind where I knew the shoe was going to drop eventually. I had no idea I would be faced with such a devastating tragedy. Since 2016 I’ve lost three important men in my life and I've learned a lot about myself and a lot about the world of grief. This section will be hopeful and uplifting although it will be about the part of life that's hard to face…sorrow. My hope is it will ease your pain or someone close to you. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Pop Culture and Fangirl Crushes
Definitely have a thing for men with an overbite…
There’s a great scene in the movie The Family Stone where Luke Wilson says to Sarah Jessica Parker “Here’s the thing Meredith, you have a freak flag, you just don’t fly it” Much to everyone in my life’s amusement (or annoyance), for as long as I can remember, has been my obsession with particular famous people that catch my interest and do not let go.
My earliest recollection was Bobby Sherman blowing a peace sign kiss at me at a live concert in Buffalo when I was 6 (It’s true!!) to first seeing Errol Flynn in a puffy shirt, Cary Grant in Notorious, Olivia DeHavilland, Dana Andrews, Daniel Day-Lewis, Ewan McGregor and most recently Barry Gibb - next blog post!
So, OK Luke Wilson, I'm flying my flag! There is a common theme though (besides some being very handsome men).. There’s a back story and life choices that are sometimes truly admirable which I will go into and examine. Trust me, this section is going to be fun and if you’re around my age, hopefully, bring back some fond memories. I encourage you to share some of yours in the comments! BTW, if you ever have time to kill and want to laugh, read the comments in a YouTube video of a past heart throb - they’re hilarious!!
Don’t Confine Music to a Category
This is a Barry Gibb quote. Music has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember and I think it's important to experiment and explore all kinds of music. So many modern artists have been inspired by classical composers, classical composers have been inspired by folk music or music from other cultures. Paul Simon said in an interview that part of Bridge Over Troubled Water was inspired by a Bach Choral.
Music is what brings us all together. It's something that is innately human and I believe a gift from God. In this category I'll explore all sorts of interesting stories found in the world of music and with all my blog posts, I'll suggest a music pairing hopefully, it'll be new to you or enrich your love of something you already know.
If You Stand for Nothing, What’ll You Fall For?
In the musical Hamilton, this was the big question for Aaron Burr. He never wanted to commit to an idea. This is a problem because there are consequences to indecision. My father used to say “You can always count on politicians, they will always let you down!”
I have strong beliefs on topics and I'm going to flush them out in this category. This also will include my journey in Faith. I’ve always welcomed differing opinions and over the past year many friends have found it comforting to call me to talk things through because “I know I can say this to you.” If we don't have conversations where we’re comfortable to bounce big ideas around, we're never going to find any solutions!
Hopefully, reading my perspective on things may solidify how you feel or challenge you to look at a different perspective. Please share in the comment section! I'm a firm believer in the passionate statement by Patrick Henry “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it!” (also attributed to Voltaire)
It took the human race over 15,000 years of civilization to figure out the amazing idea of Freedom of Speech and Thought - let’s not throw it away too hastily!!
Next post will be 5/12 and subsequently, every two weeks on Wednesdays. Thank you for visiting my new blog and for your support in my new venture!! Make sure you sign up for my newsletter as I plan to venture out to storytelling salons and maybe a comedy club or two…We’ll see!! ;)
